Every title means something. Each relationship carries its own weight.

Whether with friends, family, or romantic partners, they all come with relational expectations and varying degrees of closeness—kind of like a buffet of emotional commitments. Take what you like. Do you want a small plate of friendship? Or are you going all-in with a full-course meal of romance? Just keep in mind that sometimes, your happiness can feel like it hinges entirely on these relationships. It can set your mood on a see-saw, and if one side goes up, the other might just crash down!

Relationships. During my years in the corporate world, I was surrounded by a variety of them. Our company was a world leader in the industry. And yet, we had no work pressures; we downed more office coffee than did office work and mostly we did only what we were told to do. Some even headed home for lunch and siesta or a powernap depending on their titles and self-given privileges. Others used their large offices to do the same. What can I say, it was as if everyone except the typist, dispatch clerk and the office boy who worked only one third of the time. Not that more couldn’t be achieved, but many didn’t see much good coming out of being proactive. Meanwhile, the upper management seemed uninterested in letting the middle order grow because they were convinced and had already decided that they didn’t have what it takes to get to the top level. And maybe, just may be that they were right, since point of fact, most of them for whatever reasons, stayed on till their retirement caught up with them… Human hope! As a result, deciphering personalities and discussing office dynamics became a favourite pastime of us likeminded colleagues. Of course, there was never a shortage of drama. 

Leading the pack for good reasons was a senior director and SME who always finished his work as quick as possible, entertaining least number of guests, just so he could savor long tele conversations with his wife. Truly a soulmate connection envied by many. Then you had the bellyachers sitting in front their ineffective bosses - whining together. Bosses were wooing assistants to keep them happy and in turn getting them to perform duties beyond their role. Assistants were wooing bosses in the useless hope of being remembered favorably during the appraisal season. And, we saw some short-lived affairs with the married – for whatever value that might have had. 

But there was one more type of relationship at workplace that no one really knew what to make of it. It lacked a proper title, because no one was googling-it back then. So, everyone basically just kept talking behind their backs and at the same time wondering what was really going on with the couple. They appeared to be more than just colleagues who trusted each other and had each other’s backs. Both were intelligent with one in awe of the other. They spent hours talking, sometimes bouncing ideas off each other... they travelled together, attended the same meetings and participated in various events side by side. Since familiarity bred intimacy, they knew about each other’s inside jokes about work and life, quirks and habits. The title-less bond was so strong that few dared to intervene. But in all honesty, they were just two career-ambitious individuals who supported each other to advance their careers. The man was brilliant and a gifted decision-maker, but he soon fell out of favor with his peers not just because they felt left behind but also because they simply could not comprehend this bond and perceived it as a threat. Perhaps their WORK SPOUSE dynamic was simply ahead of its time in the late nineties. 

Personally, I think as a work spouse couple, they both truly made a mark, compelling everyone around them to up their game. And, you must be wondering, did their work-marriage continue for long? Well, in the world of multinational corporations, the bottom-line typically overshadows the internal dynamics – revenues are the primary concern. When the performance falters, the consequences are swift and severe. Heads roll leading to the downfall of even the most formidable partnerships. Sadly, that was the fate of this work-marriage.

After that, there wasn’t any work couple worthy of note, because most other women were happy to prioritize families and take less-demanding roles at work. Though they were work wives to their bosses, accepting occasional invitations to a fancy lunch or dinner from the boss was as far as they were willing to go.

Some years later, when I ventured out on my own and observed the corporate world from the outside with a fresh perspective, I endured two lasting truths. One, everyone works only one third of the time. And two, every office has at least one noteworthy ‘wusband’ (work husband) and ‘work wife’.

In India, attitudes towards gender roles have remained unchanged over the years, where 9 out of 10 Indians agree that ‘wife must obey husband’. And, this mindset is quite challenging for the educated and independent women of today. As it is, it is not easy to juggle familial responsibilities with career. Moreover, due to this attitude, working women often find little support from their spouse and extended family and are therefore, ready to seek deeper emotional connection outside marriage. A connection that will provide them emotional support and guidance in navigating workplace challenges. So, having a wusband allows for both work-related and personal discussions. While wusbands too are focused on collaboration and productivity in the work spouse bond, they are also interested in a relationship that includes fun, humor, and light-hearted interactions that can relieve workplace stress.

This dynamic is almost always enriching, provided their goals and aspirations align with those of the organisation. But that’s not the only factor at play. The office colleagues also play a crucial role in shaping the dynamics of a work spouse relationship - and, this is as real as it gets. Colleagues usually value a culture of teamwork and collaboration and they are ready to go the extra mile to open networking opportunities for the work couple. But if they perceive the relationship as inappropriate or unprofessional, it can create tension and have negative consequences for the work-marriage.

Recently, I closely observed the dynamics of some work couples - friends of mine, to be precise. What struck me was the concerning level of emotional closeness they had between them, which seemed to cross the line into a territory that felt unsettling. Their interactions somewhat raised a deceptive sense of intimacy, blurring the boundaries that would define workplace relationships. This observation led me to ponder a troubling question: Are these relationships sending signals that could jeopardize their actual marriages? Do they even care? From the looks of it, it appears that they did not.

As I reflect on this complex web of relationships, I can’t help but wonder how often individuals recognize the potential risks and consequences of such entanglements. The emotional support that work spouses can provide may seem harmless at first, but if it begins to eclipse their dedication to their actual marriage, the repercussions can be profound. It’s a delicate balance. Oh! Am I being judgmental here? Maybe. Maybe not. But, the line between workplace friendship and workplace spouse is indeed a fine one.

Some would say, titles don’t really matter, relationships do. But everyone wants a title to their relationship. And, in this case, it isn't a work-brother or a work-sister, it is work-spouse. So, if you are going all-in with a full-course meal of romance and the occasional scoop of work spouse banter… then you're crafting your own emotional narrative. At all times however, tread carefully; after all, you want to keep that happiness scale tipped in your favor at all times!

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